Wednesday, August 27, 2014

When I Just Wasn't Enough

When I found myself leaden with the burden of Hudson's diagnosis, overwhelmed by the words with the breath sucked right out of me, I knew then I couldn't do it.

I was a heap of mother crumpled in an awkward shape of need wrapped in disbelief, and I was so certain this thing, this cancer, this awful diagnosis, wasn't for me.

It was then, in a darkened ultrasound room with only light from the hall highlighting the disbelief on faces that I closed my eyes and began to see what I knew was the next step.

There He was, crowned in His glory, waiting.

"My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

In my arms I held the heaviest issue with which I'd ever been faced, and I laid it gently at His sandled feet.

"My child..."

I opened my eyes, baby boy still wrapped in my arms, and looked through tears at my infant child.

The problem didn't go away. The pain didn't disappear. The months of frustration still lay before me, but only one thing mattered:

It wasn't for me anymore. I'd given it away.

With this, I lifted my head, steeled my body for what was to come with armor made stronger than steel, and headed into battle.

Know His promises are true. Believe them in your heart of hearts, and when you don't believe, cry out to Him to make you believe.

He is always there. Listening. Taking on our burdens making them light.

The only variable is you.

For it is only you that can make the decision to either fight alone in despair, or join forces with the Almighty who is sovereign and good and whose burden and yoke are light.

It was too much for me, but it never was for Him. Not even for a second.

Glory be to God! Holy is the One who lives in me, the One who overcame death!


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